79. Christmas Present

About... 3 and a half weeks back, I came back from Singapore. The sick but happy me did not realize the wallet was missing from his back pocket.

So the few days later unhappy me went and remake his I.C., incurring the stupid RM150 fine. Also had to remake the license which cost RM20.

I've decided to inform the Australian people about the loss only when I return. No point telling them so soon. Hell, there may be good people around!

Today, I received a mail. Well, not snail mail, it was hand delivered by some delivery boy. Envelop was from AmBank. With my name and address written on it.

From what my mom told me, and with the heavy modification of my imagination, this is what happened:

Some wanker took my wallet, opened it, saw the cash, started drooling.

Then wanker then took the wallet back to his office, and initiated a battle between Good and Evil in his brain. I've no idea how long this battle took, but the final result is Evil won.

So, woosh, wanker became 100+ richer. Now, what to do with the remains? I mean, when u pick a pearl outta the shellfish kinda thing, one has to consider what to do with the shell right?

So battle 2 is initiated. To be nice guy, and return the remains, or not. Guess what? Good and Evil won! Why? Cause wanker decided, 'I give you your wallet contents back, be grateful, as a reward for returning it, I'd take your wallet!' Tada!

Feeling happy, wanker takes up the nearest envelop to him, pours all the remaining contents of the wallet, including grocery receipts, into the envelop, attached a 30c stamp, copied down the address from my I.C. onto the envelop and sent it!

However! Wanker, who has become 100+ richer doesn't know that sending something so heavy and bulky needs more than 30c for postage. So, post office boy looks at envelop, classified it as 'Enggan Terima /Refused (Kekurangan Setem)' and resend it back.

Back to where? Now, let me describe the envelop. At the front, it has a large red logo, saying AmBank. So, wanker works for a bank! (and wanker has ugly handwriting) Turn the envelop around, and you get AmBank Berhad address! Envelop get resent back to AmBank Berhad.

One day, a secretary leaves his/her house and goes to work. Once at work, she resumes her regular morning routine, collect mail, read mail, leave mail at boss's table, etc. Then she sees a rejected mail. Thinking there must be a mistake, she decides to open it, and sees... my personal data. Wondering what the hell was it, she writes off 'Urgent!!! and Important!' on the top of the envelop, put everything back inside and put it on the boss's table.

Boss, feeling bossy, comes in to work one day, orders sec to serve him a cup of coffee, and goes into his office. Entering the office, he seems the funky bulky envelop.

"Secretary! What's the meaning of this!"

"A random envelop from the today's mail, sir?"

"I can see that! I mean, what's inside!"

"Cards and stuff about this guy named Lee Kuan."

"Really. Do we have such a employee? No? Customer? No? Then why the hell is it doing on my table?"

"It's a returned mail to this office, Sir"

"Ha! Which wanker used our office's envelop! ...So? What to do with this... thing?"

"We can put up and ad for it at the Star, and hope this person reads it, or deliver it back to him."

"I like your suggestion! I knew there was a reason you're my secretary! We'll go with the second suggestion. The first one costs too much money! Now, go handle it! And bring me my coffee!"

And so, the envelop was stapled back, and found it's way into the delivery boy's hands, and later into my mom's hands, and finally into mine. Soon, it's going into the rubbish bin. It's a good Christmas present though, albeit the only one I received, haha.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
P.S.: The story's a bit bizarre. And I don't know how to include the paper photostated with my I.C. and driving license into the story. It's stapled to it for the delivery fella to confirm my identification when he locates me.

78. Another pasar malam day

Taking a walk in the pasar malam area is really tiring. Narrow roads, packed people, even jams.

But then, there's the fun part of it. One gets to see all sorts of people. Of course, you'd get the normal people: sellers, buyers, families.

And then there's the very common couples walking around hand in hand (making singles like me, quite envious of their position, even more envious when the girl whose hand their fingers are intertwined in is quite pretty). On top of that, there's also those females who from the way their dressed, it's like they are male bait.

Now, onto specific people. There's one which attracted my attention. This guy about mid teens was twirling the hair of the pre-teen girl in front of him. The first thing that came into my mind was, 'This guy has a younger sister complex!'. Okay, I'm being evil. Then I looked on some more (shit, now I'm a stalker) and yeah, sister complex, since both of them calls the same person mother (Okay, I'm jumping to conclusions here, but the image struck me as very very wrong).

Beggars are also common sightings in such a place, yes? Usually, they have some sort of disability. Which reminds me. There's this 'beggar' or whatever, he's been there since I was... 6? And the last time I saw him was last year, at the same spot he occupied all this time! Nowadays, the disabled beggars usually have some sort of performance as well. There's this guy, singing, in the middle of the street! He's missing a leg, but pushing a trolley which has his amp, a tiny handheld TV thingy, and power generator.

I was thinking, if he can afford these, why not sell it, and whatever money he gets, do something with it? Anyway, there was this couple passing by at the same time, and they were laughing at him! Poor guy! Until I paid attention to his singing. And, damn, it was bad. I confess, I found it amusing.

Oh, and there was an auction going on as well! There's this guy selling fengshui stuff, and there were actually people listening to him. He was going on like a machine gun on how good his crystals are (as usual) and the price of it. And at the rate he was going, he was increasing his bargain, like one crystal RM30, next half-second, 1 set of crystal for RM30, next half-second, 2 sets of crystals for RM30.

And that's it la, this time. Uneventful trip.

77. Adapted sex articles

There was this article on the Star yesterday regarding virginity and its link to health risks. Anyone read it? Who would've thought that being a virgin can also lead to health problems, eh?

To summarize. people who have sex at a younger and older than average age appears to be at greater risk of developing sexual health problems later in life. For those younger ones, more likely to have risk of STD, possibly due to the associated factor of possibly having more sexual partners and bla. The usual social stuff.

For the older ones, there's health risks by 'impeding development of the emotional, cognitive, and interpersonal skills that are crucial to satisfactory sexual functioning and general well-being'. Which can be translated to one would be a not so sociable, emo person?

On the age side, the average is 17 to 18. And from the article, young means 14 or so. Late starters are around 22. That's quite young isn't it? So much for the 40 year old virgin fella.

Does this explain why the older generation people of a few hundreds to thousands of years back like in ancient China who practiced arranged marriage don't have this sort of problems? Like cause they get married young, and presumably they have sex young too! So no sexual problems, cept for those who lost *it* to enter the palace.

On the other hand, in this month's edition of Reader's Digest, there's this tiny article on the exercise and sex. According to some other random research, how they did this research is beyond me though, having vigorous sex can burn off 130 calories per half hour! That's 2 kilo's per year with 135 lovemaking sessions, equivalent to about 2.6 times a week. But what would be their definition of vigorous? Wall-banging, bed-jumping, floor-thumping vigorous?

Worth it? Maybe. Since considering from one point of view, it's more fun than heading for the gym. Oh, there's also mention that frequent ejaculation (for males, duh) may help lower risk of prostrate cancer! It can also somehow help the heart, not stated how though.

So, with that many benefits, go forth and have sex, I'd say!

梦 - 又吃豆腐？！

Location: Home

Status: Married (the heck?)

Anyway, it starts off rather easily, I'm at home reading a book or something. Then my so-called-wife (or some random female who comes to my home and cook for me... a live-in chef?) comes in cheerfully, back from the market. She happily places her groceries on the table and proudly declared that we were gonna have 豆腐 (tofu) with 肉碎 (err... tiny meat pieces) for dinner.

Scene jumps to dinner, and we have tofu cooked with meat pieces and fried vege. Right...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, I'm at home reading another book and the same girl happily comes back home and showed me her groceries. And... we're gonna have tofu with shredded meat for dinner... again.

And we do have it for dinner.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the following morning, same place, and I'm reading another book yet again. And the same scene repeats!

Once again, we have tofu with shredded meat and fried vege for dinner.
_______________________________________________________________

I finally got bored of the dream and woke up.

Didn't someone say that dreams can sometimes foretell the future? And wasn't there a paper on some female hormone effect production from eating tofu? I'm so screwed.